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Thought HFPers would find this amusing…from the NYT’s Ethicist column.
My husband loves to travel and always either pays for, or gets an upgrade into, the first-class cabin. When we travel together with our children, he buys himself a ticket in first class and puts us in economy or economy plus. He even did this recently on an overnight flight to Paris. He justifies flying alone in first class because of the cost, and the fact that our kids (12 and 16) might feel alone if I were to travel in first with him and leave them in the rear cabin. I feel that this is unfair.
I don’t think our kids would mind if they were in economy plus and my husband and I sat together in first class. Is that unfair of me to want? My husband has suggested traveling alone on a different flight ahead of us so that we don’t feel badly about the disparity, but this does not really address or solve the problem of the inherent selfishness in his thinking. Am I wrong? We are happy to travel, and love going places together, but it is still very strange. — Name Withheld
Woah! How does this person put up with this bloke.
I have heard of wealthy couples travelling together in Business/First and putting their kids down the back with the nanny, which I mean is a bit obscene to me as it is, as you’re all going on holiday together.
However, this story frankly takes the biscuit. I just can’t fathom how people out there would put up with this sort of behaviour from their significant other!
This is rather messed up, although I’m guessing what she means by “First” is mainly US domestic first which is a slightly better version of CE. But it sounds as though she is married to a tight-fisted control freak and has no financial independence.
My OH once booked our flights to GCM. He booked MAN-AMS-ATL-GCM in economy and spelled my name wrong. I had to take back control after that.
Unacceptable to most of us but sadly such behaviour is not that unusual. Couples and families often stay together and put up with intolerable behaviour and circumstances for a whole variety of emotional and financial reasons. So while the story may be amusing in and of itself it reflects and exampmes deeper and wider issues for many that are not funny at all.
It would be a cold day in hell before I’d ever let that happen to me. If a partner even suggested it that would be that.
We have to book tickets to Lima soon, as we are relocating there. As Iberia only releases 2 business class seats per flight, we are considering booking those two seats plus one in PE, for my wife, 2 years old toddler and myself. The fight now is who goes in business with my son and who goes in PE. Both of us prefer to fly in PE alone vs entertaining my son for 12 hours in a day flight…
I am also curious about the ethicist’s answer
I am also curious about the ethicist’s answer
The institution of marriage has always taken on characteristics of the society in which it arises. But a modern marriage is meant to be a pairing of equals, in which each partner treats the other with respect, consideration and dignity. Each has a say in the making of significant decisions, and each cares about the other’s comfort and preferences. Your husband has another view. He evidently thinks that because he’s the ticket-buyer in the family, his own preferences get priority.
“We are comparison machines,” the social psychologist Susan Fiske has written, and the comparisons we routinely make are with those closest to us. Your husband isn’t entirely oblivious of this — hence his proposal to enjoy his warmed cashews and lie-flat seat on a separate flight from yours. But the best way to address feelings of inequity in intimate relationships is through creating greater equity.
Based on pure observation and not statistics, same sex male couples travelling without kids are disproportionately represented in the premium cabins across all airlines. Indeed the blogger community is a fair representation of that too. Maybe they’re onto something….
I have not been to America, but I notice, when they come here, that what I would call a ‘coach’ is a ‘bus’ to them. Now I learn that ‘coach’ is part of an aeroplane, correct?
I think “coach” is economy, from what they say in the movies, though when you actually book a seat they have different names for it! Their domestic first, though not unpleasant, is not what we think of as first, more like CE (though can be somewhat better on newer aircraft).
There may be genuine reasons for this, eg. Tier Point collecting. When I was chasing BA Gold we had a few Europen weekends away where I would fly in CE and my other half in economy. We almost always travel together so there’s no logical reason for us both to have status, especially if it’s going to cost an extra £200 on a 80TP flight. Also she is 6’1 and prefers an emergency exit seat to CE.
Not sure if any of this applies to the person in the OP though.There may be genuine reasons for this, eg. Tier Point collecting. When I was chasing BA Gold we had a few Europen weekends away where I would fly in CE and my other half in economy. We almost always travel together so there’s no logical reason for us both to have status, especially if it’s going to cost an extra £200 on a 80TP flight. Also she is 6’1 and prefers an emergency exit seat to CE.
Not sure if any of this applies to the person in the OP though.We did that a few times, but we split the actual bum in seat in CE/WT equally even though the CE ticket was usually mine.
When explaining to the cabin crew that we were swapping, if the flight was full they occasionally said they would have let me sit with my wife in CE if there were spare seats… but when there was a row free in CE they didn’t say that 🙂
I wonder what that US wife flying Coach while her husband flies First has in her prenup agreement.
With a bit of luck she won’t have one. So, if she’s ever had enough of this, she should get at least 50/50.
Thought HFPers would find this amusing…from the NYT’s Ethicist column.
My husband loves to travel and always either pays for, or gets an upgrade into, the first-class cabin. When we travel together with our children, he buys himself a ticket in first class and puts us in economy or economy plus. He even did this recently on an overnight flight to Paris. He justifies flying alone in first class because of the cost, and the fact that our kids (12 and 16) might feel alone if I were to travel in first with him and leave them in the rear cabin. I feel that this is unfair.
I don’t think our kids would mind if they were in economy plus and my husband and I sat together in first class. Is that unfair of me to want? My husband has suggested traveling alone on a different flight ahead of us so that we don’t feel badly about the disparity, but this does not really address or solve the problem of the inherent selfishness in his thinking. Am I wrong? We are happy to travel, and love going places together, but it is still very strange. — Name Withheld
Can’t imagine this is the only thing where the OP is selfish, easier to just get a divorce
There may be genuine reasons for this, eg. Tier Point collecting. When I was chasing BA Gold we had a few Europen weekends away where I would fly in CE and my other half in economy. We almost always travel together so there’s no logical reason for us both to have status, especially if it’s going to cost an extra £200 on a 80TP flight. Also she is 6’1 and prefers an emergency exit seat to CE.
Not sure if any of this applies to the person in the OP though.It doesn’t. It’s just general a-holery.
due to the seats selling out in seconds I have managed to book my wife into J and I’m with the kids in PE next year – I need some lessons from this man
Being a 3, we often have a CW 241 then one PE. Sort of alternate if going
east, but I insist on OH having it on long flights to Asia. If not, he’ll
get v little rest then pretty bad jet lag for first few days. In contrast, I’m quite
happy to do movie marathon, dribble on a PE arm-rest for a few hours, then
streeeetch out the arrival day to 8pm + crash all night!That’s different from always paying to separate yourself from your family! The OP’s kids are well old enough to sit in economy for a few hours if the bloke really wanted to sit with his wife.
My resolution after this year is no more overnight flights, even if we have to travel in economy. Henceforth I shall only fly in daylight hours!What is people’s perception of my scenario? As IB 241 only has 2x J class award tickets per flight and there’s 3x of us. so I am going 4x hours early MAD-BOG. And Mrs zapato goes with little one in J, 4 hours later.
Same on return. Don’t throw the tomatoes too hard please!
PE is not worth it imo so that’s the compromise we came up with.
What is people’s perception of my scenario? As IB 241 only has 2x J class award tickets per flight and there’s 3x of us. so I am going 4x hours early MAD-BOG. And Mrs zapato goes with little one in J, 4 hours later.
Same on return. Don’t throw the tomatoes too hard please!
PE is not worth it imo so that’s the compromise we came up with.
Does she want to fly with the kid both times? Are they just going to wait in the lounge for 4 hours or do they have to go to the airport on their own too?
What is people’s perception of my scenario? As IB 241 only has 2x J class award tickets per flight and there’s 3x of us. so I am going 4x hours early MAD-BOG. And Mrs zapato goes with little one in J, 4 hours later.
Same on return. Don’t throw the tomatoes too hard please!
PE is not worth it imo so that’s the compromise we came up with.
A few years ago on another site that situation was posted.
The poster took great umbrage when it was suggested he fly with their own child (to have some uninterrupted quality time) and their wife flew alone to have some alone time.
I don’t get why would someone bother to go for all that trouble. But as long as this was agreed, and not just assumed that the woman (of course!) has to go with the child, no issues with it.
I would have zero issues with my children flying economy with me up front – however I would have my wife with me.
At least if there is a disaster, we have a greater chance of Part of the family surviving.
That would be my excuse and I am sticking to it 😂
Strangely my wife suggests this to me all the time on the pre-text that I’m 6’4″ tall and she’s 5’5″ tall… It’s clear to me she just wants peace and quiet from me, and legroom has nought to do with it.
For the avoidance of any doubts, I always force her to fly Business or First with me and then don’t tell her about the divider between the seats… so she ha no choice but to listen to my endless stories of how the points for this trip were accumulated and the free breakfasts we’re going to get!
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